The first time I ever became aware of my gifts was during a very troubled time in my life. I was not aware of how much pain I was in at the time. I was 15 years old and my life was literally being flipped upside down. My parents were fighting way too much and I knew that things were going to change. Then a good friend of mine passed away. It was a sudden death. It happened overnight, in his sleep, and while we were all on Christmas break. I’ll never forget the last time I saw my friend. For no reason at all I excused myself from class to use the bathroom. I just was wandering around the halls delaying my return to class.It was like my feet were walking in a direction that I had no control over. I was being lead. When I came around the corner, I saw my friend come out of the nurses office. I wonder now if that had been a sign of something wrong, but he was his same goofy self and appeared fine. We had known each other since 6th grade. He was a quiet kid, unless he was around his friends. I can still see him sitting with his hands crossed over his lap, leaning over. And his smile. I can see his brown eyes and still feel the warmth of his presence. There was just something about my friend. He listened to you when you talked and gave advice that seemed beyond his years. He loved basketball and other sports I remember. We all hung out in a big group up at our hometown flea Market. We would walk all around town, chilling at the mall, going to the movies or sneaking into the buffet! That was classic! I don’t know how the staff missed 20 kids sitting in the back when only one kid paid to get in.
He was always there in the crowd laughing and having a good time no matter what. Until he wasn’t. He was a true angel, always looking out. I swear it was his charm and smile that got him out of trouble. If you were with him and got in trouble, it wasn’t too bad. There was always a way out. So that day, Frank came out of the nurses office and I don’t recall the whole conversation, but it was talks about Christmas and plans to meet up.. Then somehow we ended up running back into the nurses office to steal gloves. We laughed hysterically running down the hallway as the nurse yelled out after us. We said our goodbyes and went back to class. I’ll never forget that last smile. I wish I could go back to that moment in time and just hug him. I’m so grateful for the memories we shared. Like our middle school graduation dance because he was the only boy to ask me to dance. I remember it being awkward because everyone was watching, but he didnt care. I definitely towered over him and everyone else for that matter. I was his friend and when he saw me left out as always, he took my hand. I think it was to make sure I could feel his energy and to know what it felt like to be loved and held by a soul that was safe. Today I recognize his energy when he is around me. When I get readings from other mediums, he comes through. He even mentioned a stuffed lion I had left on his grave! Confirmation that he is watching!
The day I found out that he died, I couldn’t believe it. My boyfriend at the time got the last name wrong and I remember thinking that I wasn’t effected because that other kid wasn’t a friend, but still felt sad that a classmate had died.. Then it was confirmed that it was my friend that had died in his sleep. Nobody is ever prepared for that at fifteen. It took me a long time to get over that. Death had missed me because we were not close to extended family so I had never lost anyone close to me. My friends funeral was the first I had ever been too and I did not take it well. I’ll leave all that behind me. I will forever remember my friend as I last saw him, laughing and smiling.
I started to change after that. By my senior year in high school, my health was going down hill. My emotions were all over the place because so much was going on in my life that I couldn’t focus. I didnt know what I wanted to do with my life at all. I’d wake up every morning hearing voices that sounded fuzzy. I can best explain it as having one of those radio alarm clocks that lost the signal and the voices would be low, going in and out if that makes sense. I ignored it. I could feel my intuition kicking in too. It was trying to warn me. I didn’t listen to it. I kept staying out late not doing homework and being late to school. I was one lateness away from not graduating with my friends. I was devastated. The night I got this news I had a dream. A very real dream like never before. I woke up hearing someone knocking at my door, which was impossible because you had to get through the downstairs front door and come up the stairs to the apartment I shared with my mom. I could see my cat sleeping and feel the fan at the foot of my bed blowing. When I opened the door, my friend was standing there. I knew this was impossible because he was dead, but there he was. I can tell when someone is dead in a dream by their eyes. The eyes are dark, fixed and still. Not scary, just different. I could feel his energy. My friend did not look happy. I heard him say in my mind how upset he was at me for screwing up so badly. He wanted me to get my act together and graduate. I had to do this. I mean he actually shook his finger in my face. His mouth wasn’t moving, but I heard him in my head loud and clear. He really ripped into me lol. And he was right. I was not listening to my guides. I had always done good in school and handled my responsibilities. I woke feeling a change inside me. I was determined to get to school on time and graduate with my classmates. To my surprise, a teacher who knew what was going on in my life defended me and kinda covered for me by telling the principal that I was with her going over a test on one of the days where I missed class. He bought it! I now had two chances to not be late again. I graduated on time because I knew that I needed to.
A few nights before graduation, I dreamed of my friend again. This time we were in the cemetery where he was laid to rest. I was chasing him around and we were laughing. He stopped at one of those stone mazzaliums and put his hand up telling me to stop. He told me that I couldn’t go with him this time. I remember crying and asking him why. It’s not your time he said. Then he was gone.
I know now that spirit is always around and that I can hear them and communicate their messages, even if I didnt know then what was happening. Tarot cards and communication with the dead have always been around me. My mom would read Tarot cards and read books about connecting to spirit. Those books have remained in my family for years. The answer to my life’s purpose was under my nose the whole time. My friend showed me my life’s purpose for real and I thank him for that. Sometimes you find your life’s purpose in your dreams. For years after that I knew that I had a gift, but spirit held it back because I had alot of growing to do. I’m grateful for my abilities. I know that it helps people on both sides. Thank you my friend. I miss you all the time, but I know that you are with me.